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This is why I love you, Heather. You manage to filter it all down to the basics and lay bare the inhumanity that is parent-centered parenting for all to see. And I’m SURE you help to restore direction in those mamas who are wavering under pressure to conform.
I really like the “post-logical parenting” series. THANK YOU for addressing and turning round the bed-safety issue too. We bought a king size and had to build a carefully-designed guardrail for our nest. But I was the best-rested mama in town, had a nighttime milk supply and sleep cycle that was *uncannily* in rhythm with my babies, and awoke enchanted rather than strung out every morning!
So glad you’ve kept on doing what you do!:)
well said with the post-logical parenting conference – thanks so much, it was just what i needed after a spectacular tantrum by my 3 year old at the in-laws yesterday! And yes…. it was the situation that sucked, not the behaviour!
You knew I’d end up commenting on this discussion, didn’t'cha?
I was going to leave this comment on the third part, but the comments don’t seem to be switched on for that post, so I’ll post this here. Hathor, the problem isn’t that the AAP disagree with your logic. It’s that they disagree with your facts.
Despite what you say, there isn’t actually much in the way of evidence that cribs interfere with breastfeeding, cause stress, or promote detachment. But there *is* good evidence that they’re less likely to be unsafe than adult beds, and that they’re easier to make safe than adult beds.
Whether you like it or not – and I know you don’t – research shows bedsharing to be associated with increased risks of both SIDS and of smothering. And, while a lot of that is connected to unsafe sleeping practices, it is *not* all by any means. The McGarvey et al study showed that, for younger babies, there’s an association between bedsharing and SIDS even for non-smoking, sober parents sleeping on proper beds with firm mattresses and without heavy duvets. Other studies have shown that, despite what was previously hoped, breastfeeding does *not* modify that risk. I’ve given you references to these studies before and I can give them again if anyone wants them.
Making adult beds according to stricter standards wouldn’t really solve the problem, because so many of the deaths are caused by factors other than the actual bed itself – either the positioning of the bed (beds positioned against the wall are a risk factor for wedging), the things associated with it (heavy blankets, pillows, attached bedrails), or the people on it (people on medication, smokers, older children, very deep sleepers). All the safety standards in the world for adult beds aren’t going to solve those problems. Even if they did, there’s still the increased SIDS risk I wrote about in the last paragraph.
The AAP discuss all the reasons for their recommendations at http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;116/5/1245, but either you haven’t read this or you’re ignoring it. Given a choice between a baby with a regulated heartbeat (whatever that means) and a baby at lower risk of dying, the AAP opt for the baby at lower risk of dying. That’s not a lack of logic on their part, whatever you may think. If you disagree with their facts, then address that; but making it out to be a failure of logic while ignoring the evidence they present for their position is disingenuous.
Why Infants Should Never Sleep Alone
and the AAP Section on Breastfeeding’s response to the Post-Logical AAP guidelines Bed Sharing With Unimpaired Parents Is Not an Important Risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Sarah said: “Making adult beds according to stricter standards wouldn’t really solve the problem, because so many of the deaths are caused by factors other than the actual bed itself.”
Exactly. But isn’t that the point? I think cribs are just fine for those who use them successfully. But as a mother who failed miserably at using a crib and was against co-sleeping throughout her pregnancy, I found myself in much more dangerous situations than anyone who purposefully co-sleeps. Having information and recommendations from highly reputable institutions such as AAP on how to safely sleep with a baby would have been far better than the paradigm of “it’s the crib or nothing.” This thinking leads to falling asleep with the baby in your arms while sitting in a chair next to the crib. It leads to driving to the pediatricians in an emotional, sleep-deprived state that makes driving dangerous. When I learned how to co-sleep safely, my mind was clearer, my house was cleaner and yes my child was safer. If she had fussed for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep in her crib I’m positive that we would have used the crib for something other than storing toys and as an occasional playpen. I was not into attachment parenting, but my child refused bottles, refused the crib, and insisted that I parent like a mammal.
I was post-logical, she was not. The real FACT is that parents WILL sleep with their children. My opinion is that this happens to be a powerful part of the human experience.
I don’t see how there “isn’t much in the way of evidence that cribs interfere with breastfeeding, cause stress, or promote detachment.” Perhaps there isn’t any particular study that can show this, and I have no idea why–I haven’t seen them. I don’t need to. All I need to know is that my daughter screamed to near hyperventilation when left in the crib. My husband and I became intensely frustrated when she didn’t want to go into her own sleeping space at night. We thought there was something wrong with her, or that she hated us, when really it was just natural for her to want to be held. And who needs evidence that breastfeeding is easier without a crib? When the baby is in bed with you (or in a sidecar for that matter, which is what we plan to do next time) you don’t have to get up to feed him. You get more rest. It isn’t rocket science!
Perhaps the problem is that too many people who are going on about these rules haven’t had kids, or haven’t breastfed their kids. It’s easy to SAY something’s safer and better, but try applying it to an actual family and see how it works before judging. And since everyone’s family is different, everyone’s outcome will be as well. I agree with Julie. People are going to cosleep. They might as well have help doing it safely.
I would be really curious to see a study done on the level of SIDS in a country where bedsharing is the norm.
And I feel the urge to say what I’ve said many times on this forum- there is no one right way to parent. What works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY is the best way for YOU. Even different children within a family may need different parenting. My second, for example, is way less needy than my first. My first demanded pretty much constant physical contact until she was able to walk. The second is content as long as I’m within visual range. Of course, I still hold her! But she just doesn’t need that as much.
Saying, “My way is the only way and everyone else’s way is wrong,” is simply foolish. Each set of parents has to work out their own way.
I don’t remember where now I read it, and I don’t know the accuracy of the statement, but I do remember reading that Japan has both the highest rate of cosleeping and the lowest rate of SIDS. Of course, in a culture where cosleeping is not stigmatized so much, there are probably more parents there that are willing to admit it. I know parents here often feel that they can’t discuss it, so survey results may be skewed.
What Wiffersnaffer said, times three. Setting up straw men, as you do in your comic, and then knocking them down is not a way to convince anyone of your own logic. What works for individual families, individual babies and parents, is what works. Sleeping separately is not evil. Nor is cosleeping. If it works for your family, great; but don’t beat up on people who make different choices.
I agree that sometimes, in practice, it’s difficult or impossible to get babies to sleep in cribs. But that wasn’t the point Hathor was making. She was trying to claim that the AAP are ignoring facts and being illogical. There are also babies who won’t or can’t breastfeed, and their mothers need advice about using formula as safely as possible. But just because not every mother can breastfeed or wants to do so doesn’t mean that we call the AAP ‘post-logical’ for recommending breastfeeding as the safest overall option. It means that they’re giving us the facts, even if those are uncomfortable for some mothers.
I wasn’t trying to claim that no baby ever found it stressful to sleep in a crib; I was disagreeing with Hathor’s claim that babies shouldn’t sleep in cribs, full stop. (I find it ironic that one of the links she gives in her support is to James McKenna’s paper, when he objects on the first page to the practice of ‘labelling one sleeping arrangement as being superior to another’.)
Hathor: Thanks for the links. McKenna talks about one of the studies that shows increased risk even in babies of non-smoking parents – the Carpenter study done in Europe – and criticises it on the grounds of not adjusting properly for the sleeping conditions or for breastfeeding status. But the McGarvey et al study in Ireland did adjust for sleeping conditions and still found an increased risk associated with co-sleeping. The Tappin et al study in Scotland and the Ruys et al study in the Netherlands found that breastfeeding didn’t modify the risks as had been previously hoped. So, even when you figure those factors in, you’re still looking at something of an increased risk for bedsharing with small babies.
Both McKenna and the author of the letter to which you posted a link claim that the AAP should recommend bedsharing regardless because of fears that advising against bedsharing may cut the rates of exclusive breastfeeding. But, even if there was sound evidence for that, breastfeeding isn’t something we do as an end in itself – it’s something we do as a means to the end of optimising our babies’ health. Trying to increase breastfeeding rates by advising mothers to do something that may *increase* the risk of SIDS strikes me as… well, would ‘post-logical’ be the right word there?