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So sorry that I left you all high and dry without a good post to leave ‘cry-it-out’ comments on…so unfair of me ;o) These two comics Where is the Logic?! and Cry-It-Out! are from actual real-life conversations that I had, truly. Though I’m usually concerned that the inspiration of my comics might actually check my blog so I RARELY use actual conversations, it’s pretty clear that I don’t need to worry with this mama- though I did change a few details anyway, just to be sure.
We have been in the throes of a super-massive ‘just turned 8 year old’ celebration. Parties galore. with not one Mother-In-Law in town, but a Step Mother-In-Law, too. (Hi April, Hi Suzanne!) We had the actual day of the Birthday Party. We had the Family Night Party, we had the Full Bouncy House Party, and then because it’s February and you can’t party THAT hard without some kind of hangover (nor can you eat that much cake, though we tried, oh how we tried!) Everyone under 11 came down with a doozy of a cold. Prolific mucus, I tell ya. Now, this would be okay, a cold is a cold, right? But the littlest one is still recovering from the coughing sickness that is going around (the one where you don’t feel THAT bad, you’re just coughing up chunks of lung for about 4-10 weeks, that one.) So add the lingering cough to a big bunch of snot and you have a kid that has been up for nights and fever-y and just plain miserable. Egads.
What is it with sickness, that during the day you hear those coughs and think “well, that’s starting to sound better” and then as darkness falls you think “oh man, we’re at death’s door”? Add in the pregnancy hormones and I’ve been a little weepy. I admit it ;o)
So, anyway, got my head back in the game now. And just came up with a whole slew of new comics, one a day! I hope! Oh, and over at thecowgoddess.comHathor is pregnant (from 2004) and her baby is weaning!
xox,
Heather
p.s. and did I tell you today how much I love you? Happy Valentine’s Day!
i made a big heart-shaped beetroot brownie today. very good for stressed-out-looking after-sick-kids-pregnant mamas… shall i send you a bit in the post?!
ahhh the “cough” you ar eso right, during the day you think, oh we are getting better and at night you want to rush to the ER.
Glad to hear everyone is on the mend, and what a wild party time.
i should send you all the lovely banana splits dh made for valentine’s day. lol most yummy.
now go get some rest.
much love to you!
heather in maine
There is a lot I don’t understand in the world, but #1 on the list is how a mother can ignore her baby’s crying and actually think that is a good thing. What a testament to human selfishness and how easily people are brainwashed by “experts”.
This is very timely for me. I have been having the same frustrations.
I disagree that it’s (usually) an act of selfishness. To the contrary, I think most parents DO suffer listening to their babies cry (as they should), but since they believe (falsely) that it’s in their children’s best interest, they selfLESSly do it anyway. It’s not a matter of parents doing CIO being bad, it’s a matter of them being mistaken. They don’t need condemation, for the most part; they need compassion and education. The ACT needs condemnation.
I agree with Arwyn. I met a brand new mom the other day and she was doing great. Breastfeeding and just loving her baby. But she told me it concerned her that the baby cried sometimes when she wasn’t hungry/wet/anything in particular, and she knew she wanted to be held, but that she felt bad about picking her up so much. She didn’t want to start “bad habits.” Someone she trusted had told her that. I told her responding to your baby’s cries will build trust. Why do people think coming to one’s parents for comfort is a bad habit? We dole out unhealthy comfort measures (food, drugs, etc) to people of all ages by the boatloads and that is considered okay!
i am a bit torn by this, as i feel a bit like the parents were misled, but then i also feel like, (from hearing people i know talk about why they do this)it is selfISHNESS not selfLESSNESS that makes people do this. They want a baby who sleeps all night, doesn’t need night time parenting and is “independant” at the wrong time in life (which you actually never are, but that is another rant all together. heehee). This could be from poor education on what babies actually need, but then when you let them know, offer them education, give them websites, etc they have no iterest… they want there “me” time and to hell with the baby. this will be the same people who so so wanted a baby. like they had no idea that a human child actually needs care 24/7.
i try and liken it to being a quad… what would you want done for you or what would you do for someone who was a quad? would you leave them alone all night to cry and be lonely? NO that is abuse. yet it is perfectly OK to leave a helpless baby, in fact encouraged.
parenting is not a 9 to 5 job. it is 24/7 until the day you die. this is not a job for the selfish. parenting is the hardest most wonderous job on the earth.
what did Hathor say in one comic… it takes a long hot time in the kitchen to get the beans just right? there you go… that is parenting.
heather in maine
I am currently pregnant with my first. I was diagnosed with PCOS so getting pregnant was a slight adventure for me- I can’t imagine letting my baby “cry-it-out” for that long. I could see a couple minutes maybe… but not much longer.
They’re small, defenseless, and they need you- why wouldn’t you respond to them, even if all they want is a little affection???
I’m new to the concept of co-sleeping, but it never made sense to me, even as a child, to just let babies cry…
As a newb, I DO have a question though- when do you STOP co-sleeping? Where does healthy independence start?
@shawn
when the child wants to. i was coslept as a child until i was around 10 or 11. i slept with my mom as a baby, and in my grandma’s bed as a little older child. there’s not really any negative effects. i have that much more of a strong family bond for it, but am plenty independent.
My little boy has the same cough it sounds like. Just when you think he’s better, he’ starts coughing like crazy again.
Very relevant post for me right now as I am struggling with sleep with my 18 month old. We do some hybrid co-sleeping (he used to come to bed with me when he awoke around 11-1am, but now it is more like 3-5am) and when he comes to bed, we nurse, but I am preggers with #2 and not only does nursing hurt (sad) but I am no longer able to sleep thru it or fall back asleep during it. Needless to say, I have been questioning what to do!
We tried crying it out for exactly two and a half hours with our first. By that time, she was so worked up that it then took another three hours to get her calmed down and back to sleep! Definitely much easier to just go and see what she needed and take care of it, even if it was just a cuddle.
Luckily, our doctor told me right off the bat that it isn’t possible to spoil a child with too much attention, under the age of one. “If they’re crying, they need something. Find out what it is and fix it, and they’ll stop crying.”
what is up with this “healthy independance” stuff?
if any of you are with a S.O. of any sort, do you sleep with them? Do you miss them when they are gone, do you enjoy having them in the bed with you? if so are you dependant? a baby/small child/bigger child is no different. they are human and need contact with other people. jeeze. think about it, you live to be what?? 80 years old and you sleep with your parents for what 5-10 years, that isn’t but at the most 1/8 of your life.
come on get over the fear of what ever and just cuddle your kids. i swear eventually they do want their own space, and all you will have is the memories of those late night cuddles and early morning milkies.
be in this moment, quit rushing it, it goes fast enough.
heather in maine
Both my kids (6 months old and 4.5 years old) still sleep in bed with me. The 4.5 year old starts out in his own bed but comes into mine at some point in the early morning. It makes me wish I had a king mattress because it gets pretty crowded, but I’d still rather wake up from sleeping like a sardine than wake up cranky from not sleeping at all thanks to getting up a thousand times a night to comfort a kid who gets inexplicable nightmares. He doesn’t get them when he sleeps with us, so back to the family bed he comes. I admit it is kind of nice to wake up in the morning light and see all the sleeping faces snuggled together in my bed. Who needs independence!
Heather in Maine…
great answer…
I can’t say it better… that is exactly what it is all about…
Shawn- As a mommy, you have incredible power and instincts. Follow those instincts- do not EVER give up your MommyPower! If you think something is wrong with your child, then something is. If you think they’re fine, even if they’re doing something that not every child does (like my 11-m-o with no teeth!) then they’re fine. Do not let any so-called experts tell you that you’re wrong when you know in your gut that you’re right. Period. If your child is “high needs” like my firstborn and needs to be constantly held and carried, do it. They will eventually outgrow it- mine is now the world’s bravest and most independent 4-y-o, because I met her needs as a baby. If you meet their needs as a baby, they will be fine.
Hi Shawn
Babies who co sleep will find their own independence at their own time.
In my experience, the babies I know who co slept mostly went into their own bed between 18 and 36 months.
My daughter had her own bed at 21 months and will sleep all night in it and has since then, however we do have times when she is a bit poorly when she will come back into the adult bed. I’m not strict with it, most nights she sleeps in her own bed, especially if I need my space or she isnt settlingin with me, but if she is upset at being on her own she knows she is welcome.
Response -
Thanks for the info.
I want to promote breastfeeding, and I want to give my child-to-be what they need. I just haven’t been around this school of thought and had NO idea when a kid would start sleeping on their own.
When I said “healthy independance” I meant the kind that isn’t being pushed on them. I would assume as a parent you have to push them in the right direction here and there… but it seemed to me that some things were natural.
The only co-sleeping I’ve experianced was from a family that was… well… dysfunctional is a nice way to say it. They were likely a poor example of healthy co-sleep. I think I’ll get a book to answer other questions I have.